“Attract what you expect, reflect what you desire, become what you respect and mirror what you admire.” Unknown.
We all look for that “Wow Factor” in the person we eventually want to make our life partner. We want the sizzle, the excitement, the butterflies, the –I can’t live without you-kind of feeling.
I’ve had those emotional highs in previous relationships before I married my husband. Truthfully, without that buzz, it was always nonsensical for me to stay with a guy. I wanted to feel on top of the world, ALL of the time!
But… is that fair? Is that reality? Is that the fabric that makes for a happy home? I asked myself these questions and the honest answer is, NO.
Truthfully those feelings (on their own) can be deceiving. What we really need is those feelings PLUS substance!!! Substance that lasts when the feelings fade or when we face real challenges.
Now, before I go further, I must say that my husband, Bishop Feb Idahosa, is a great man and often gives me all those “Wow Emotions.” However, that’s not what made him marriage material. What made him a man that I wanted to dedicate the rest of my life to were the unseen traits that he possesses. For me, ‘marriage material’ meant that he had a sincere relationship with Christ, excellent communication skills, a humble disposition, that he was romantic towards me, that he possessed a passion for learning, unshakeable integrity and strong character amongst many other traits important to me such as trustworthiness, honesty, intelligent sense of humour, strong work ethic, etc. It was equally important for me that he was a tithe paying man as well as one who came from a family that believes that marriage is forever. These were some of the traits I held dear in deciding about my husband
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When choosing a life partner, you must first accept that it is a choice. Nobody should choose for you or impose your spouse on you. Marriage is a union you must enter into willingly and with both eyes open. The Bible tells us in Prov. 18:2 “The man who finds a wife finds a treasure, and he receives favor from the LORD.” (NLT)
To me, this means that it is a decision we must make and a deliberate act we undertake to seek out a life partner. Don’t expect God to just drop a wife in front of you and speak with a thunderous voice from heaven, “This, my son, is the one!”
The second thing you need to do is to prayerfully research Scripture along with your personality and emotional make-up to determine the attributes of a spouse that best suits you and that you can have a beautiful home with.
By the way, not all attributes need to be physical! You can wish for a curvy size 6, model looking woman and find that she isn’t the lady on the inside that’s good for you. Also, the physical is very temporary and can change in the blink of an eye. (Ask any lady who has had a baby!) You need to be attracted to the person on the outside and be able to build your loyalty to the person they are on the inside.
I advise people to make a list of what they are looking for, then carefully ask themselves why those attributes are important. After making the list, recognise that it is a guide, not a law. Your spouse may have a few but not all the characteristics of your ideal person. Surrender this list to God, and ask Him to lead you.
I made one such list in my early 20’s. I didn’t look at the list a second time until I was being proposed by the man I married, Bishop Feb Idahosa. When I looked it over, I discovered that God truly gave me the desires of my heart.
After making such a wish list, a second list -perhaps a more important one-has to be made. This list should detail the kind of wife / husband that you would like to be. Don’t cheat and put things that you are proficient in right now, stretch your thoughts to include areas of your character and personality that you need to improve on.
When you’ve discovered the kind of spouse you’d like to become, start working diligently on yourself. For example, if you’d like to be faithful in your marriage, start practising by being faithful to God and Church. If you want to be financially strong in marriage, start by building your financial portfolio and Business Empire, NOW!
“Attract what you expect…”
If you want a man who is unemployed, lazy and plays video games all day, then stay a lady who fills her mind with fashion parades and frivolity. Like will attract like. But, if you want a man who is smart, hard-working and spiritual then start developing yourself intellectually, work diligently and improve your relationship with God.
People who are going places don’t settle for stagnant people. If you want a spouse who is spectacular, you must be spectacular yourself.
When you are on the road to greatness, you attract great people.
There’s so much to say about relationships, but, if we start here, we are already on the right track for success.
There’s a verse from Scripture that puts it simply:
Hebrews 12:1
“….let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us.” (NLT)
I pray for you that you will find fulfilling relationships that will result in beautiful marriages and Godly homes. I also pray that you will shake yourself free from relationship escapades that don’t produce good fruit in your life.
God bless you!
You can stay in contact with me by visiting the church I pastor in Benin, CGMI, Church Unusual, JBS Estate off Boundary off Sapele Road. Our services are Sunday 8am and Wednesday 5pm. You can contact one of our Pastors on 08062423402.
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